This may come as no surprise to readers of this blog, but I am not an expert at writing verse. So when words recently started coming to me in the form of short lines, I really hesitated to take them from my journal and broadcast them here.
I mean, who am I to publish anything that even remotely resembles a poem? I write long-form essays and articles, not messages to (and from) an intelligence seemingly beyond my own mind, firmly turning me toward all I can be.
Then again, who am I not to do such a little-bold thing? Maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s the way to overcome this paralyzing fear of “doing it wrong” and being the laughingstock of the whole entire Internet (I know, my ego really likes to be special, even if it means being the best at being the worst).
As Roman philosopher Quintus Sextius pointed out,
“Never be keen to the please crowd.”
Since fear is the #1 killer of creativity, and it’s long been the bane of my writerly existence, it makes sense to stop fighting with it like a wet cat in a potato sack, and instead lean into it and do the thing I think I cannot do. That’s the wise advice of Eleanor Roosevelt, who encourages us to:
Do the things that interest you and do them with all your heart. Don't be concerned about whether people are watching you or criticizing you. The chances are that they aren't paying any attention to you. It's your attention to yourself that is so stultifying.
—Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for Living a More Fulfilling Life
Fear = ego doing its job and sitting on us like a ten-ton elephant so we don’t step out of line. Believe me, mine would be happy if I never picked up a pen again in my life, especially if I’m going to use it to explore unknown territory.
Which is how I know that I need to keep going and learn from this experiment of facing the specter of the ego.
Maybe these humble jottings are a lesson in letting go and acknowledging perfect imperfection … publicly. What better way to learn that the ten-ton elephant can’t really crush me? How else can I discover what lies beyond it?
So, in that spirit, here’s something that came to mind this morning. I hope you have a beautiful Sunday going beyond your own doubts and dancing toward the you-est you of you!
Scared Sacred
It is said that
we do not take
the final step
toward You;
but rather, we
are carried,
swooped up,
and saved from
our smaller selves.
Is it too early
to ask for this?
I’ve done all
I know to do,
but I’m not sure
how to fully
know the
you-est you of
You.
If I did, I would
have done it
such a very
long time ago.
But sometimes
You seem so
far away,
like Santa on his
shiny red sleigh.
And that is when
I know it is time—
time again—
to pray.
For it is only when
the tears, fears,
and petitions
wear themselves out
that a sacred silence
begins to fade
my fearsome doubts.
Please help me to relax
and listen within,
to feel your Presence
that whisks me right in,
inward and upward,
to the realm of Now-Now,
filling with Love’s ink
the pen in my hand,
so I may share it
without giving a damn!
Amen.
I needed to read this today!!! Thank you.
I'm so moved by the honesty. This speaks to the frozen artist in so many. We are the only ones to tell us we can't. You very obviously CAN.